I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
did you just send me my own nude
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
