My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
