your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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