Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
