I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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