I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
