be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
