I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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