Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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