Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
