Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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