I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
