im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
