His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
