Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
there is glitter all over my balls
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
