I'm gonna have a badass scar
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
