I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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