mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm so fucking centered right now
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
