What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
