We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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