I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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