Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
