i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
