Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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