And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
