can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
