Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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