How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
