Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
