I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
