Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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