So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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