Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
