I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
