gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
