I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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