Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
