I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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