I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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