tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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