Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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