First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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