why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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