The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I bet he comes in French.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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