dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
