u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
