My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize