I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
