U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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