'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
