Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
