so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
