there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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