Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I need moral support for this bender
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
