I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
