Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
