Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
