Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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