if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
