Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
