just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
