OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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