he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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