I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
