:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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