I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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