there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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