apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize