wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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